As a quick foreward, the picture I have in my mind as I write these posts is a dark expanse, where I throw ideas and hope that they find somewhere to be heard. Again I ask you to comment if you can, so that I can see your face in that darkness. Plus, I'm not going to stop mentioning it until you do, so there. Hop to it. On to the good stuff!
After a hop across the pond, some scary driving, and a hundred failed chess matches, I am finally on my way home. To one home, at least.
After a hop across the pond, some scary driving, and a hundred failed chess matches, I am finally on my way home. To one home, at least.
For this last week, Ireland has been my home. Tonight, I sleep for the last time as a dependant in the home in which I spent most of my childhood. Tomorrow, I start a journey that I may never return from freely; I leave to live as a man and a bachelor, with all that that entails. Finding a way to fill a Friday afternoon, being able to live and be comfortable with myself, and starting the next part of my story. The posts that have come before this, as well as the details and quirks of my childhood, will be mainly my backstory. I do not believe that I am overstepping any invisible bounds when I say that my childhood will be over by the time I reach my destination. I won't say that I am a man or responsible (I only said I am going to live as a man), but when I tell people that I meet what my childhood was like, that story ends here. That thought has been in my head, so strange and full of emotions jumbled as if competing and complimentary all at the same time, for the better part of the last month.
I expected to worry about what I would miss and how I would remember my home, but when looking foreward all I really see is blank space. I know that I will be homesick and feel alone at times, but those things are wrapped up in the rest of my life. It is the life of me as the main player in my story and I am looking at it as across a gap, like the warm air that lays still as some great, ancient hand turns a wrinkled page - or the deep breath as two feet leave a cliff and find that they must be missing something. It seems quiet and alive at once, the most calm and exciting thing that I have yet seen, and it is almost here. I cannot tell whether I will notice as it as it passes or only after it is gone, but I am certain that I am ready. I am more ready for this than I have ever been for anything else. I have loved every part of this opening chapter, and I say farewell to it fondly, but I will face the world now and hope that I am right in thinking that I can stand tall in the midst of it.
All of the people who are reading this as it is being posted know me as I am now and are a part of all that I will carry along to the people that may read it in the future, and I am grateful more than I can express here for the former because you are not some possibility amongst all of the things that could, should, and won't happen in this world. You are real, here, and supporting me through this. You have made me who are, and I wan't you to know that that love and freindship is what will help me through this next adventure. I will miss you all and hope that I will be able to meet you again soon, and one of you only for the second time. May those possibilities be the ones that we are allowed to live.
I expected to worry about what I would miss and how I would remember my home, but when looking foreward all I really see is blank space. I know that I will be homesick and feel alone at times, but those things are wrapped up in the rest of my life. It is the life of me as the main player in my story and I am looking at it as across a gap, like the warm air that lays still as some great, ancient hand turns a wrinkled page - or the deep breath as two feet leave a cliff and find that they must be missing something. It seems quiet and alive at once, the most calm and exciting thing that I have yet seen, and it is almost here. I cannot tell whether I will notice as it as it passes or only after it is gone, but I am certain that I am ready. I am more ready for this than I have ever been for anything else. I have loved every part of this opening chapter, and I say farewell to it fondly, but I will face the world now and hope that I am right in thinking that I can stand tall in the midst of it.
All of the people who are reading this as it is being posted know me as I am now and are a part of all that I will carry along to the people that may read it in the future, and I am grateful more than I can express here for the former because you are not some possibility amongst all of the things that could, should, and won't happen in this world. You are real, here, and supporting me through this. You have made me who are, and I wan't you to know that that love and freindship is what will help me through this next adventure. I will miss you all and hope that I will be able to meet you again soon, and one of you only for the second time. May those possibilities be the ones that we are allowed to live.